Embryo Transfer Day

Well, it finally arrived - the day we find out how our embryos are doing and (hopefully) have them put back where they belong.  I was up very early again this morning, which was annoying as it meant a long wait until it was time to go to the hospital.  I eventually woke hubby up too, and before long it was time to head off for our appointment at 10.50am.

When we arrived there wasn't anyone around except another couple in the waiting room, but we only sat for five minutes before the nurse shouted us through to the recovery room to get ready for theatre.  I only had to do a partial strip today (bottoms, obviously) and because hubby was coming into theatre with me he had to gown up too - and I even managed to sneak a pictured of him!! lol  Then it was the short walk to the theatre, and I saw the same girl who was in for collection at the same time as me and we said hi.  I was pleased to see her as it meant things must have been good for her too.

Hubby all gowned up and ready to go!

Once we were in theatre hubby was shown where to sit at the top of the bed, and I had to confirm my name and date of birth for the doctor and the embryologist.  The doctor also asked how many embryos we wanted to have transferred, and I told her wanted to put two back.  The nurse then helped me onto the bed and told me to stay sitting just now (slightly more dignified!) and the doctor would come and speak to me about how things were looking with the embryos.  A couple of minutes later, after realising the nurse was born and brought up in the village where I live, the doctor came over (it was a different doctor to the one who did the collection) and told us that all 8 embryos had done well and were looking great.  We were having two top grade 8/8 embryos transferred today, and we had 4 top grade 8/8 and two 7/8 embryos to freeze.  I couldn't have been more over the moon when she said that as I'd been worried about getting any embryos at all and here we were with 8 almost perfect ones!!!

After I got positioned on the bed, the doctor started to get ready for the transfer by checking which size catheter she'd need to use before she got the embryos put in it.  Turned out the first one was fine and I even saw it on the ultrasound scan the nurse was doing on my tummy to enable to doctor to position them right.  She then went over to the hatch where the embryologist was and he passed our embryos to her in the catheter and she came back over to me.  They were really good at explaining things to us, and turned the screen so we could see everything that was happening as they were doing it.  She threaded the catheter into my uterus and showed us where she was aiming to get them (right at the top on the right side) and when it was in position she told us that we might see a flash as the embryos and the fluid they were in was put into my uterus, but that there isn't always one so not to worry if we didn't see it.

She then told us she was about to release them - and we saw the flash!!!!  One of the nurses in the room was really funny and shouted "woo hoo - I love it when we get fireworks!!"  at which point I burst into tears!!!  I'd been trying really hard to hold myself together during the whole procedure, and I think seeing what could turn into our baby(ies) being put back where they belong tipped me over the edge.  I managed to say thank you to the doctor and the embryologist before the nurse took me out to the toilet, but then I was gone again and was hanging onto hubby sobbing while the nurse told me I should be happy because I'd done so well.  I was so happy I couldn't believe it, that was why I was crying!!!

After I nipped to the ladies (what a relief after having to have a full bladder!!) I went in to get dressed and the nurse came in with another consent for us to sign (have no idea what it was for as I wasn't able to focus to read it!) and to give me the meds and instructions of what happens next.  I have progesterone pessaries to use twice a day until the official test date, then we go back to the hospital for a blood test to find out if I'm pregnant.

So that's it, I am now pregnant until proven otherwise and there isn't anything more we can do but hope those gorgeous little embryos hang on in there and become the baby(ies) we so desperately want.

S x

Phoning the Lab

I was awake at the crack of dawn this morning, partly because one of my dogs has an inability to sleep beyond 6am and partly because I knew I had to phone the lab today to find out if any of our eggs had fertilized.

It was a hell of a long wait until I could phone, and of course it dragged in, but finally it was time and I could phone.  I was shaking like a leaf and could barely dial the number, but I got through and the girl I spoke to put me on hold until she went to check what was happening.  Out of the 18 eggs we had collected, 12 were mature and were injected with hubby’s sperm yesterday – and today we have 8 embryos!!!!!  I was so relieved I could barely finish the phone call and the second I hung up I burst into tears! 

I had been speaking to my friend by e-mail all morning, but I couldn’t tell her the news until I woke hubby up to tell him (the stress seems to be making him sleep a lot so I’d let him sleep while I phoned)   As soon as I went up with his coffee, the first thing he said when he opened his eyes was “have you phoned?  Did it work?!?!”  and I was so happy to tell him we have 8 potential babies waiting on us in the lab.  Then I was able to text my friend and my mum and tell them too, and honest my friend was as excited as I was!! Lol

Now it’s just waiting and hoping they all keep going strong until we get back to them tomorrow and if we’re really lucky we might even get a few to freeze in case we need to try again.

S x

Egg Collection

I didn’t for a minute think I’d sleep last night, but I fell asleep at 8pm on the sofa!!!  Hubby woke me up and told me to go to bed, and I slept right through until it was time to get up this morning to go to the hospital!!  Probably a good thing anyway as I had to fast from midnight and not being able to have a drink of water is torture for me!

We had to be there at 8.30am, which is a bit of a nightmare as the hospital is just off the busiest motorway in Scotland and the traffic can be awful!!  Add into that hubby having to get his sample to the lab within an hour and you’ve got a recipe for a pretty stressful morning!!!  There is a room you can use at the hospital for hubby to do his thing, but like most men I’d imagine hubby was worried he wouldn’t be able to “perform” there so we decided it was better to do it at home and take it in with us.  That still put a lot of pressure on him though as he was very conscious of the time and us having to leave, but I’m delighted to say he managed it and with his sample lodged firmly in my cleavage (which the lab staff found really funny) we set off to the hospital.

Thankfully the traffic wasn’t bad and we made it into the admissions desk before 8.30am and were booked in.  Then we headed round to the ACS suite and sat in the waiting room until we were called up to hand in the sample.  After that it was back to the waiting room, then the anaesthetist called us into a room to have a chat about the sedation and to ask health questions.  That done, we then went into speak to the doctor who would be performing the retrieval, Dr Medina, and she went over what would happen and really put us both at ease.  Next, it was into see the nurse (it just happened to be my favourite nurse in theatre that day which I was delighted about!) and she went over things again and gave me two paracetamol to take.  There was another girl in font of me and she was already in theatre (we’d seen them in the waiting room) so she got me to change into a gown and just sit and read my kindle until they were ready for me. ( At this point hubby had to leave me, which I hated, as he wasn’t allowed to come into theatre with me.  He went and got a coffee and a paper and after calling his friend for a chat he just sat in the waiting room for around an hour until he was allowed through to see me in recovery)

I sat for about 10-15 minutes until the other girl was finished, then it was time for me to go to theatre.  I had to go to the loo en route (the recovery room is just across the corridor from the theatre and you just walk over) to make sure I had an empty bladder then it was into theatre and I had to confirm my name and date of birth with the anaesthetist and the embryologist.  The ACS lab is connected to the theatre by a hatch, so you could see into the lab and the people working there which is fab, although I was tempted to tell them to remember to look after my babies-to –be well once they got them!! Lol    I then had to lie up on the bed and the nurse in theatre put on all the monitoring equipment (blood pressure, pulse, oxygen sat, heart monitor) and the anaesthetist put the cannula in my hand.  Then they put an oxygen mask on me, and said she’d be starting the drugs and I’d start to feel lightheaded and after 10 minutes they’d start.  In actual fact      I remember feeling like I was drunk and talking to the nurse about tattoos(?) then I don’t remember a thing!!!  I don’t even remember putting my feet into the stirrups, anything of the procedure of moving over onto the trolley when they were finished, and the first thing I remember very vaguely was someone telling me how many eggs we had and then waking up in recovery.  I had to stay in recovery a while, and for the first half an hour I was asleep (and a fab sleep it was too) then I was talking to the nurse.  After another twenty minutes she gave me a glass of water and sent hubby in while she was away getting me a coffee and a biscuit.  Before she left I’d asked her if I heard right with the number of eggs we had, and she said I had, so I was so happy to be able to tell hubby that we had 18 eggs retrieved!!! 

After I’d had my coffee and biscuits (the make you eat something) I had to get up and go to the loo before I could get dressed.  Then we had to sit in the waiting room a while so they could make sure I was ok on my feet before the nurse came to take my cannula out and give me information on what happened next.  She explained that the eggs would be injected that afternoon, then I had to call the lab at 10.15am on Friday to find out how many had fertilised.  She said I could take paracetamol or co-codamol for the pain, although I didn’t think I’d need to because I felt ok (how wrong was I going to be proven) but she said to take them anyway as the next day is always more painful.

After that it was home time, and a very slow walk to the car!! Lol  I spent the rest of the day lying on the sofa or in bed, and by around 5pm I was in quite a bit of pain so took painkillers and had the hot water bottle on my tummy to try and ease it.  I tried a bath too, but to be honest it didn’t do too much to help the pain. 

Now it’s onto worrying about the next part – will any of the eggs fertilise?!?!!?!?  It feels like you just go from worrying about one thing to the next with this whole thing!!!

S x

Second Follicle Scan and THE phonecall!

So it was back to the hospital again today for yet another encounter with the dildo-cam – we really are becoming way too familiar with each other – and to check on how the follicles are doing.  The clinic was running really late this morning and we didn’t get taken until 40 minutes after our appointment time. When we went in it was straight to the scan room, and I was surprised to see Helen who did a talk at the fertility group was the nurse I had today as I haven’t had her before.   She had a look at my lining and took measurement from the follicles then turned the screen around to show us what she could see – the lining was nice and thick and there were around 26 follicles which were big enough to measure and a bunch of smaller ones!!!  She said they were growing well and a couple were already at 17mm which is where they want them to be for ICSI.  She said that I’d probably trigger either Monday or Tuesday night, but to make an appointment for Wednesday for another scan just in case I needed it and to make sure I took a trigger away with me for when I need it.

After that we sat back in the waiting room to wait on a nurse calling us in, and thankfully it wasn’t too much longer to wait before she did.  We went in and she took my bloods, then she gave me enough Gonal F to last until Wednesday and a trigger shot (Ovetrille) to take when I needed it.  She said they’d have a look at my bloods when they came back, and if I was to trigger they’d call me and if not to come for the scan on Wednesday.

So back to work I went and hubby went home to bed as he’d been night-shift last night.  I did sneakily check for my blood results, but they weren’t in so  I wasn’t sure if I’d get a call or not.  However, at around 3pm my phone rang and it was the nurse from the hospital to tell me the next step.  We’d been hoping that EC would be Friday as hubby was night shift Tuesday/Wednesday night, but she said my bloods indicated that they couldn’t leave me that long so EC was booked for Thursday morning.  I had to take my Gonal F and snuff as normal today and tomorrow, then at 8.15pm (exactly – they’re very clear it has to be exactly then) I had to inject my trigger and then not take any other drugs after that.  I had a drug free day on Wednesday, then into the hospital for 8.30am on Thursday for our collection.

It’s scary now that things seem to be happening really quickly, and EC is the bit I’m most worried about as I’m convinced that when they take the follicles out there won’t be any eggs in them(there’s nothing to indicate that should be the case, just me being my usual worry-wort self!)  However, there isn’t a hell of a lot I can do about it anyway and we’ll just have to see what Thursday brings.

S x

Follicle scan

Today was the day we found out how I was responding to the medication and the first chance to find out how the cycle will pan out.  Our appointment today was at 8.45am, but surprise surprise they were running late as usual!!!  I have to say though, the clinic was so busy it wasn't really a surprise they were running a bit late.

So first up this morning was more bloods being taken to check my hormone levels. (One of the perks of working in a hospital is that you can check the results as soon as they're done, so I was able to see that mine had gone from less than 70 on baseline scan day, to over 2500 today!!)  After that it was back out to the waiting room, then after a while we were called into the scan room.  One of the nurses was one we'd had before, and the first thing she did was comment on my hair (I've dyed it bright red just now)  She chatted away while she scanned and another nurse wrote down the measurements, then she turned the screen around to show us what was happening.  She showed me the lining of my uterus, which was measuring 8.7mm and she told me that was really good and by the time we got for egg collection it should have thickened up even more.  Next she showed me my right ovary and said there were roughly 11 follicles that were 10mm or more (they don't measure the smaller ones) and some smaller ones too.  I told her I was sure there was more happening in my left ovary than my right, and when she moved the scan to that one she said I was right and there were 12 follicles all around 12mm and a whole bunch of smaller ones too!!  They were very happy with that, and said it's good they're all around the same size as it means they'll mature at the same time, and they'd like me to keep stimming over the weekend and to go back on Monday for another scan.

After that we went back to the waiting room again, then we were called in to see a nurse in the treatment room to get more meds to tide us over until Monday when we go back.  She gave me another 450iu pen, which will keep me going until Monday morning and we'll know at that that scan if we're going for egg collection on Wednesday, or if they want me to go back the next day for another scan.

All in all things seem to be progressing right on course, and now I can move onto my next worry which is that when they retrieve the follicles that there won't be any eggs in them!!  I know that I'm being a bit irrational thinking that, as there hasn't been anything in any of my test results to indicate that it would be the case, but I think during this whole thing you just move from worrying about one thing to the next at each stage!!

S x

A new found respect for chickens!!

I’ve been stimming for 7 days today – and have discovered a new found respect for chickens as I feel so full.  My tummy has been getting more and more uncomfortable and bloated, and the only thing that seems to help is sitting with a hot water bottle on it all the time – which isn’t great when you’re already having hot flushes!!! Lol

I’m hanging onto the thought that it must be a good sign and hopefully means I’m growing plenty of follicles/eggs in there.  Keep having to go to the loo too, which I think is a combination of drinking so much water to try and fend of OHSS and everything in there being a bit squashed because of my ovaries.

Feels like Friday is taking an age to come around.  I’m torn between wanting everything to be ready on Friday and going for EC on Monday, or wanting things to need a few days extra as EC at the end of the week would be better as hubby wouldn’t be coming off a nightshift when he has to do his part.  Ideally, if EC was on Thursday and ET on Saturday we’d be sorted as he’s not working the night before either of those, but in all probability it’ll be either Monday or Wednesday which means he either has to try and get a swap (not likely) or take a night unpaid leave which we really can’t afford just now when we’re going on holiday next month!! 

I guess there’s nothing I can do though but just wait and see what happens on Friday and take it from there.

S x

Burselin

Today is the first day for taking Burselin – and I can’t say I like it so far!!!  My first sniff was at 7am, which unfortunately is just after I get on the train to work!!  I managed it ok though, and just told the girl we speak to on the train that it was for hay fever when she asked what it was.  I did my second one at 12pm, after which I’m not convinced I did the first one properly this morning as about 10 minutes after I did it I suddenly started to taste it at the back of my throat and it was disgusting!!!!!  Nothing would take the taste away, but eventually it went away on it’s own.  The same thing happened with my 6pm and 11pm ones, so I guess that’s a good way of knowing I did it properly anyway.

I’m not really expecting any side effects from it as it’s basically the same as the pro-stap injection, plus I’m taking stimming meds which tend to counteract any down regging side effects.  It’s hard work remembering to take it everywhere with you though as it has to be kept in the fridge – so that means remembering to put it in my bag before work, then putting it into the fridge in work, remembering to take it home with me, then remembering to put it back in the fridge in the house – and given how forgetful I am just now it’s a miracle I got through the first day without leaving it somewhere!!

S x

Ah dildo-cam, we meet again!!!

So today was finally the day of our baseline scan to check everything was as it should be and ready to start stimming.  I was a bit worried we’d be late as hubby was nightshift last night, but thankfully he made it home in time and even managed to get changed before we headed back to the hospital.  They weren’t even running too late, which is a novelty, and we were soon shouted through by the nurse.  We went to the scan rooms, and she left me to get ready and then go through to the room where there were two nurses and a Dr – just as well I have no qualms about getting my kit off then – and by the looks of it the Dr was just learning to do the scan as she couldn’t find one of my ovaries and the nurse got it straight away.  They checked both ovaries and the right had no follicles on it and the left had one small one which was fine, and the lining was nice and thin too.  The nurse was really good and turned the screen to us so she could point out exactly where the lining was and showed my the follicle on my ovary, which although I’ve had plenty of scans before was never really pointed out all the well to us. 

After that we went back to the waiting room, then we were called through by another nurse to the treatment room.  She checked everything was in order in my file, then explained which meds I’d have and when I’d be taking them.  She was really nice and took lots of time to go over everything, and although I’ve done all the injections and things before for IUI it was nice to have someone refresh it all for me.  She did my first injection which was 225iu of Gonal F, then explained that I’d have another to do tonight, two tomorrow then one a day after that.  I also have to start taking Bureslin from Tuesday to top up my downregging meds, as they only last for 4 weeks and they need you down regging longer than that to make sure you don’t ovulate on your own.  I now have a new drug kit which contains my Gonal F injectors (have the pens this time rather than syringes, which is great as no more mixing up your own meds just simply set the dose, put the needle on and you’re good to go) alcohol wipes, a sharps bin (or junkie bucket as I’d taken to calling it when I was doing my heparin injections after my op) and my Burselin (or snuff as they call it as you squirt it up your nose!!)  This is my drug regime from today up until Friday when I go back for my scan;

Thursday – 225ul Gonal F in the morning, 225ul Gonal F in the evening (12 hours apart)

Friday - 225ul Gonal F in the morning, 225ul Gonal F in the evening (12 hours apart)

Saturday – 225ul Gonal F in the morning

Sunday - 225ul Gonal F in the morning

Monday - 225ul Gonal F in the morning

Tuesday - 225ul Gonal F in the morning, 1 sniff of snuff (lol) at 7am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm

Wednesday - 225ul Gonal F in the morning, 1 sniff of snuff (lol) at 7am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm

Thursday - 225ul Gonal F in the morning, 1 sniff of snuff (lol) at 7am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm

Friday - 225ul Gonal F in the morning, 1 sniff of snuff (lol) at 7am, 12pm, 6pm and 11pm

As you can see it’s quite detailed and as I have infertility brain just now there is no way on earth I’d remember what to take when.  There is a Gonal F app, which I’ve downloaded to my iPod, where you can put in all your drugs and appointments and it sends you reminders and so far it’s been great and I’ve not missed anything.  I’d highly recommend it to anyone who has fertility treatment as it’s one less thing to stress about.

So far not been too much of an effect from the Gonal F, but I can feel my ovaries kicking into life again and it’s not the most pleasant thing in the world but here’s hoping it’s all worthwhile!

S x

P-day plus 1 week

Well, it’s been over a week now since my pro-stap so thought I should update for those of you who are using this as a guide to what to expect (Carrie!!!lol)

The day after the injection I had the most horrendous hot flush!!!  I was at M&S for some shopping, and when I got back into the car I suddenly started sweating buckets!!  I ended up with sweat running down my face (nice, eh!!) and had to drive home minus my t-shirt and in bare feet to try and cool down before I passed out!!!  Thankfully it passed after a while, and a good half hour standing on the cold tiles in the kitchen!!! 

Since then the flushes have been fine, just the odd one here and there but nothing that I really notice too much.  I haven’t even been crabby either – which has come as a surprise to both me and hubby, although I think he’s very relieved!!   I don’t know if I’ve just been lucky, and maybe if I have another cycle I’ll be in for a shock and will have all the side effects, but I’m so relieved it’s been a bit easier than I was expecting it to be as there’s still a long way to go on this journey!!

I decided this week that hubby and I needed some time out from everything, so I managed to arrange for my cousin to come and stay at the house to look after the zoo and secretly booked a weekend away for us both.  I even managed to pack all our things without hubby realising – only for him to go into the boot of the car as we were leaving to go and see the suitcase!!!!  He never puts anything in the boot, always just throws it on the back seat, but that was my surprise rumbled!!! Lol  Anyway, we didn’t go far as I just booked somewhere that had a good deal as we didn’t have a lot of spare cash – so we actually stayed at the hotel where our gym is!!!  That might sound a bit mad to you, but the plan was to just chill out and do nothing, so really it didn’t matter where we went as we weren’t planning on sightseeing or anything. 

We had a lovely time just chilling out, and to my surprise AF showed up when she was expected, even although I’d been warned the pro-stap could make her late/heavier.  The only thing different was that I had really bad cramps, but my wonderful hubby went to the local supermarket and bought me a hot water bottle which helped no end!!!

Not long to go now until I go back for my baseline scan, fingers crossed everything is looking good and we can get gong on the next stage.

S x

Prostap - 21st July 2012

I was back at the hospital today for the first step of our first IVF cycle.  My appointment was at 9.20am, and hubby was a nightmare to get up and ready and I was starting to stress a bit that we’d be late!!!  We weren’t though, and even if we had been they were running late anyway (how do you manage to run late just after 9am?!?!?!)  I was eventually taken in about 20 minutes late, and to be honest I wasn’t as keen on the nurse I had this time.

She took me off to another room to do my height, weight and BMI which strangely hadn’t been done before for some reason, as it has a baring on the drugs you receive.  My BMI is way under the limit though (limit is 30 and mine is 23) so that wasn’t something I was worried about anyway.

After that we went back in to where hubby was, and she went through all our consents (again!)  When she got to the page where we’d had to confirm how many embryo’s we wanted put back, she asked why we’d put one and if it was because we definitely didn’t want twins.  I explained that the nurse who had done them with us initially had said she’d recommend one embryo for the first cycle, then if it didn’t work to do two after that, so we were guided by her and that’s why we’d put one and would change it later on if we wanted to.  She said that wasn’t the way she would have explained it to us, and in her opinion the purpose of the form was to say the maximum number of embryo’s we’d have put back at any time, not the number we wanted for our first cycle and she’d change it to two. 

I was a bit annoyed by this, as we were going on what the first nurse told us as we thought we were best being led by them as they know a hell of a lot more about it all than us.  As it stands we would have had one put back and the rest frozen if we had plenty of good quality, and two put back if we didn’t have any for freezing and had two good enough to put back.  The nurse said that in her opinion, not many people have embryo’s for freezing anyway (not what I thought, I’ve heard a lot of people having frosties!!) so it’s better to just go with two going back no matter what.  We agreed to change it to two on the form, but I think we’ll wait and see what happens and how many eggs/embryo’s we end up with then WE’LL make an informed choice without the nurses having input since they seem to differ so much.

Anyway, after that it was just down to the business of sticking the needle in!! lol  The nurse was quite glad when I told her I’d had plenty of injections because of the IUI and heparin after my surgery – wonder how many people they have the hate injections and either pass out or are sick!?!?!?!?  One thing that was different when she did the injection – and something I plan on asking about when I pick up my stimming meds – was that she put it in at a 45oC angle whereas when I was doing my IUI injections I was shown to put them in straight, like a dart.  I’ll clarify it at the next one as I don’t want to be doing them wrong!!  The injection itself was a big stingy, but other than that was totally fine and didn’t even bleed when she took the needle out.  She advised me of all the side effects you could have, which I knew from Dr Google anyway, and off we went home to wait and see what happened next.

S x

6 Days to go!!

So we officially start our first cycle in SIX days time - how scary is that after all the waiting around!!!  You'd think I'd just be excited but the closer it's getting the more worried I am about it.  Going on the IUI though I'm sure once I start injecting I'll be better as it gives you something to focus on and you feel like you're actually doing something.

There hasn't really been anything major going on in the last couple of weeks, just plodding along and killing time until we start.  Today was a bit of a wobbly day for me though.  Hubby and I took Dad's car out for a drive (he's still not able to drive after being ill) and decided to get a coffee and sit in the park drinking it to let the car run and charge the battery.  We parked in the car park beside the beach, and it really hit me when I saw all the families with young kids playing and feeding the swans.  I had that awful aching feeling in my heart that I've not had for a long long time, and I thought I was past that and must have come to terms with the fact that we might never get to be like that - but it seems not.  It took all my effort not to cry, but the feeling did pass eventually and hopefully it won't come back for a while.

So this week is shaping up like this:  Thursday is acupuncture with Maureen then Saturday is pro-stap.  I've arranged with one of the girls from the support group to go to the cinema on Saturday evening, so that'll give me something to look forward to while I'm at the hospital.  We're going to see Magic Mike so a proper girly film which should be a laugh.

S x

You learn something new every day!!

The support group on Thursday was really informative as we had the information about what a cycle of IVF involves straight from the horses mouth (so to speak)  Helen was really good at going through things and was open to any questions we had.  She also told us something I didn't realise - if you have a successful cycle of IVF(ICSI) and still have frozen embryos, I thought you'd have to pay privately to use them as current NHS funding is not available if you have a child.  However, Helen told us that if your cycle works and you have a baby, and are lucky enough to have some embies still frozen, you get another chance to use them up funded by the NHS (instead of injections you're given tablets for this, and it's only until you have another successful cycle)  So there you go, just when you thought you knew everything about treatment you learn something new!! lol

Friday was my second acupuncture session with Maureen, which I was strangely looking forward to.  I'd had a headache all day at work, so was hoping the session would help that too but sadly it didn't.  She asked if I was including all the foods she'd advised me to have and if I was taking the herbs she'd given me (which I am) and then did some more treatment to encourage blood flow to my uterus in preparation for starting treatment.  We worked out rough dates for when things "should" happen, so now I've got a bit more of a plan in my head of how things are going to progress after my next appointment.  For some strange reason I've developed a whopper of a bruise where the needle was in my tummy which I've never had before, but I'm sure it's fine as I do tend to bruise easily most of the time.

Now it's just a case of waiting around until my next acupuncture session on 19th July, then it's back to the hospital on 21st for my pro-stap injection and the start of our next roller-coaster ride!!

S x

The first time I've been glad to see the Witch!!!

And she even had the decency to arrive early!!!!  I wasn't expecting her until tomorrow, but she arrived on Saturday night (so counts as Sunday really) which meant I could get on the phone the the hospital for an appointment to go for my pro-stap injection.

It took me a while to get through, and I was starting to worry that I might be too late and wouldn't get an appointment but finally someone answered the phone!!!  My appointment is on 21st July and I've to go to the ACS unit to have my injection done.  I'm assuming I'll be in and out so trying not to think about too much, although I can't say I'm feeling the same way at the thought of the side-effects.

The pro-stap injection basically puts your body into the menopause, so you get the same symptoms - sweats, mood swings, sore boobs etc.  I'm hoping that I won't be too bad with it as I haven't been too bad int he past when I was on meds, but who knows and I guess the only way to find out is to wait and see.  After the injection it should take roughly two weeks (ish) for me to have a bleed then I go back for my first scan, blood tests and to collect my meds on 9th August.

After so long trying to get pregnant and then the long wait to get to the top of the list, it feels like things are motoring along now and it's quite scary.  I'm not worried about the scans/injections etc, more that this is our last chance of having a baby and if it doesn't work I'll have to find a way to deal with that reality.

Since tomorrow is the first Thursday of the month, I'm off to my IF support group again, which I'm really looking forward to as we have a lady coming to speak to us from the hospital we all attend.  She's a PGD (Pre Genetic Diagnosis) expert, so I'm not sure whether the talk will be just about that or about IVF in general, but I'm not bothered really as it'll be fab speaking to someone who knows all the ins and outs.  Before tomorrow's meeting I'm meeting up with one of the girls for a coffee and a natter. I've only met C once at the group, but we've been chatting a lot by e-mail and we get on really well.  She's such an easy person to talk to and it's great having someone who understands what you're going through and how you feel.

Friday is also my second acupuncture session (busy week for me this week) with Maureen as she wanted to see me when AF arrived again.  I'm actually looking forward to it for some weird reason, maybe it's because it's a time that's just about me and nothing else.  When AF arrived I started taking the herbs Maureen gave me last time, no effects from them but I'm hoping the help things a bit anyway.

S x

Ready, Steady............

.....almost go!!!!!

We had our second appointment at the ACS today to hand in our consent forms and discuss the treatment we'd be having.  To say I was nervous about today would have been an understatement, no idea why when nothing was actually happening as such today.

Anyway, thankfully it was mega busy in work this morning so I didn't really get a chance to think about things too much while I was waiting for it to get to two o'clock and time to leave.  As I work in a hospital not too far from where we're having treatment, I'm able to get the minibus we use to transport samples between hospitals which cuts down the time I have to have away from work - just as well when you think about how much of your time it takes up having any sort of fertility treatment.

Our appointment was at two thirty, and bang on the dot we were called into a room by one of the nurses.  She introduced herself to us, and did the usual check of who we were.  We started off going through so medical history for us both then it was onto the consent forms which we'd been given last time we were there.  I'd managed to complete most of them at home so thankfully it didn't take long as we just talked about the bits I wasn't sure of and signed those off too.

Hubby and I have agreed that if anything were to happen to him and we had snow-babies (frozen embryos) then I can still go ahead and use them and he'd be named on the birth certificate of any children born.  Sounds like a horrible thing to discuss but it has to be done I guess.  The other major decision we had to make was how many embryos to have put back at transfer time (always providing of course that we get that far and it's actually an issue)  We discussed it with the nurse, and agreed that we'd go with one for the first cycle to see how things go, and if the first one doesn't work we'll go with two for the next cycle.  I'll be honest, I wanted to have two straight away (even although I know it doesn't give any more chance of it working) but I have to take hubby's opinion into account too, so I'm happy with what we agreed on.

After all the paperwork it was down to the scary business of dates to start!!!!  The nurse asked when my last period was, and off she went to check the treatment diary to see when I could fit in.  I was so gutted when she came back and said they had a cancellation this month and I could had my prostrap today, but I just missed it as today was CD25 for me and it has to be done on CD21 :-(

Still, I guess I should just be happy we're ready to go now and it's not much longer to wait.  As soon as AF arrives, which should be in roughly a week, I've to phone the ACS and they'll book me in for CD21 for my down regging injection (prostrap)  Then I go back on 9th August for my first scan and bloods to make sure everything shut down ok, and it's time to start the stimming meds to get plenty of follicles/eggs (hopefully)
It's quite scary now to think that we're so close after so long waiting.  Basically we'll be starting our first cycle   around 19th July when I have my injection - that's only 4 weeks away!!!!!!

Hubby and I always joked that when I had the down regging meds that he could go away for a few days as chances are I'm going to be mega hormonal and I always take it out on him.  When we said that to the nurse she thought it was a good idea actually, so now we're starting to plan where he's going around the dates we have now and that way we should hopefully avoid either of us being under any more stress than we have to be.

Now it's just a waiting game for AF to arrive so that I can call them and cement the dates, which trying to stay relaxed and making sure I take the advice of the acupuncture lady and increase the blood nourishing foods/herbs she told me to take to get my body ready for the next step in our journey.

S x

Well that wasn't as painful as I thought it might be!! ;-)

So it finally rolled around - the day of my first acupuncture session with Maureen!

We've had a lot on the last few days, so I was even more stressed than normal by the time my appointment time came.  When I went into the clinic it was all very nice and welcoming (even if the guy at the desk was a bit strange and manic!!) and I didn't have to wait too long until Maureen called me through.  The first thing she did was ask my main reason for going, which was obviously because we're about to start IVF, then she explained she'd ask me a lot of questions - some of which I might not think were relevant but they'd give her an all round picture of "me"

I explained to her that I've always had a bit of a worry that my AF's aren't right, but when I've said this to any of the nurses I've seen they always say it's fine because all my scans and blood tests came back ok.  Basically although my AF's are very regular, it only lasts 24 hours, and even then I barely even need to use anything because it's so light.  Maureen agreed it did sound a bit strange, especially when the scans have shown my uterine lining is fine (either thick or thin depending on the timing of the scan) and said she thinks it's to do with my blood lacking in something and not flowing around my uterus the way it should.  She gave me a list of blood enriching foods that she said I should try and eat more of to help, plus she gave me some Chinese herbs to take the first two weeks of my next cycle.  She said she'll treat me for blood enriching too when I have appointments, but she understands that treatment sessions are expensive and as the herbs are a lot cheaper (£10 for enough to do me two weeks) she would rather I take them to try and help and need less  sessions (I was impressed with that)  I have to take 8 tablets (!) three times a day from CD1 until I ovulate when I next have AF - I'm strangely looking forward to taking them!! lol

After we'd gone through all my history and discussed it in detail, Maureen asked me to get up onto the bed so she could check the pulses in my hands and feet and the temperature of my abdomen.  Something I found strange, was that she said when she felt my pulse that it felt sad, and she asked me why.  I told her that a couple of weeks ago my Dad had collapsed suddenly and we thought we were going to lose him (at which point I almost burst into tears) and she said that would explain it.  She then started to put the needles into my skin; two in my tummy (one just above my lady garden and the other about three inches further up), one in each of my knees just under my knee caps, and one in each of my wrists.  It was funny, because when she put the one in my right wrist it hit a small nerve and made my pinky go numb - it didn't hurt though and as soon as I told her she moved it and said that sometimes it can touch a little nerve in the skin.

I lay on the table and Maureen manipulated the needles every so often while she was talking to me, but it didn't hurt at any point at all and was a really strange sensation.  Once the time was up the needles were taken out (again, didn't hurt at all) and Maureen did my pulses again. I don't really know if there was any difference because I forgot to ask!!

I have another appointment to go back to see Maureen when AF arrives next (should be 6th July) although if she decides to play up it's not a hassle to change my appointments to suit.  I've already got some of my blood enriching foods to eat (some apricots) and my next shopping I'll be sure to stock up on more.

Hubby said that he thinks is all a load of rubbish, and I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I think it works or not.  I just think that it's worth a try though, even if it's just for the 45 minutes each time I go to just be about me and to have Maureen advise me of what to eat/drink/do all the way through the whole process (she's already given me pointers for when I'm growing follicles, and she said she'll tell me what to do/not do at each stage when I see her)

Now, just need to keep the chilled out feeling I have after today going until our appointment at the hospital on Monday afternoon to get our dates for treatment.

S x

A week to go and Accupuncture

It's now just a week until we go back to the Assisted Conception Unit (ACS) for the results of our bloods/swabs and to finish our consent forms to start treatment.  I thought the four weeks since the last appointment would have dragged in, but actually it's been such a busy few weeks that it's almost here before I've had time to realise.

Last weekend we had a scare with my Dad, and to be totally honest we thought we were going to lose him after he collapsed when he was out shopping with my Mum.  He's still not better, but it looks like he's out of the woods and hopefully he'll make a full recovery with time.  It couldn't be more apt to have Father's Day today, I've never been so grateful to have my Dad than I am just now.

After going to my second meeting of the Infertility Support group I went to, one of the girls had given me the name of the lady she went to for acupuncture so I gave her a call.  Her name is Maureen and she was lovely, taking the time to go through everything with me and explain it all.  She likes to see clients before they start any drugs, so to be on the safe side she wanted to see me before we go back to the ACS - so my first appointment is on Thursday!!!!  It's a longer appointment as she'll need to get all my background and things, and I'm kind of looking forward to it and dreading it in equal measure.  I'm not so worried about the needles as such, as I had some acupuncture on my leg (one of the many many things they tried!!!)  but for some reason it feels like a big step to actual start going for it purely for IVF purposes.

It isn't going to be cheap either, the first session is £40 and then it's £35 each session afterwards.  When I spoke to Maureen she told me how many sessions she recommends during a cycle, and working it out I think it'll be around £215 per cycle of treatment.  I know a lot of people think things like Chinese Medicine are a con and don't work, but when you've been TTC for so long you'll give anything a go and money doesn't even come into it.

So it's going to be a busy week this week.  I've managed to stop myself filling in the consents until now, so this week I plan on taking my time to go through everything to make sure I understand it all, then it's my acu session on Thursday, a wedding on Saturday, my sister's 40th birthday on Sunday and back to the hospital on Monday to get the dates to finally start our IVF journey.

S x

1st IVF Appointment

Our appointment was at 9am today (not 10.15am like I though - good job I double checked last night!!) which was great because it was less time for me to work myself up before hand!

The nurse we had was really lovely, and took a lot of time explaining everything that was going to happen to us and making sure we understood it all.  She took blood from both hubby and I to test for Hep A/B/C and HIV plus another AMH for me but we've had them all done before so it's not something we're concerned about at all.  I also had to have swabs taken to check for infection and chlamydia (again, already had it done so not worried) but it was fine and barely even uncomfortable apart from my leg still not being great.

She also gave us a pack of forms we have to complete before starting treatment, some of them we have to do at home and the others when we go back next time.  We go back 4 weeks on Monday to the ACS (Assisted Conception Services) unit and we'll get all the results then from today's tests and go over everything that will happen with the treatment cycle.  I know my AMH is 12.5, so when I told the nurse that she said that was good and I'd go onto protocol 7 - and that's the one they like people being on because it's easier and more straightforward which is great news!!  All being well and providing AF decides not to mess around and there is an appointment available, we should be able to start our first cycle within roughly a week or so of the appointment!!

One thing hubby and I will have to discuss before we go back next month is how we feel about a single or double embryo transfer (SET/DET)  The policy at our clinic is to only put one embryo back if you're under 35, but from speaking to other people who have had treatment there it seems that you can sometimes push for a DET and they'll allow it.  I know there are risks with a multiple pregnancy, but I have read up on it quite a bit and I am leaning toward a double transfer rather than a single.  Anyway, it's something we'll discuss more over the next couple of weeks and even then we'll have to see what the clinic says.

When I say we were given a pack of forms I'm not kidding, here is a list of what we have;

*A letter detailing what is in the pack
*An acknowledgement of Information provided form to sign
*A "Female partner" questionnaire
*A "Male partner" questionnaire
*Consent to contact GP
*A patient registration form
*Consent to IVF/ICSI
*"Welfare of the child" information
*Consent for use of eggs/embryos for treatment and storage of embryos
*Consent for use of your sperm and embryos for your partners treatment and storage of embryos
*Your consent to the disclosure of identifying information (one for each of us to complete)
*Information about the embryo transfer pathway
*Consent to embryo transfer pathway

Told you I wasn't kidding!!!!!!! lol

They'll keep me busy over the next few weeks anyway until our next appointment, and it's so exciting to finally be staring the next step on our journey to having a baby.  I never for a minute thought this is the way we would (hopefully) be having a baby, but I guess there's nothing for it but to get on with things and hope that it works and we finally get our longed for baby.

S x

The start of the next step on our journey

The day has finally arrived - we go for our first proper IVF appointment tomorrow after almost three years of TTC.

It isn't a major appointment - just bloods etc for more tests - but it's still a bit step for us as it means we're almost ready to start our first cycle.

I'll update when I come back tomorrow, but don't think there's much chance of me sleeping much tonight even although I know it's nothing to get excited about.

S x

Two week wait - of a different kind!

The two week wait (TWW) is normally the worst part of any cycle and the time when you can actually drive yourself insane with wondering "what if...."  After TTC for so long I don't even bother with the TWW any more, however this week I have a more exciting TWW going on;

It's now two weeks today until our IVF appointment!!!

It's also almost seven weeks since my surgery, and although it's still taking longer than I'd like I'm slowly starting to be able to do more and I'm hoping that by my appointment in two weeks I'll be walking a lot better than I can manage just now.

It's exciting to think that we're almost ready to start on the next part of our journey, but at the same time it's terrifying as this is the final step on our TTC journey and if the treatment doesn't work it means learning to accept that we can't have children.  I know I shouldn't really think about that part just yet, but after so much disappointment it's hard not to look at the negatives all the time.  For a while I've known there was a support group in our area set up by Infertility UK, but didn't really feel ready to go because we were stuck in limbo waiting for IVF.  I decided this would be the month I would go (plus it gave me an excuse to get out the house a bit while I'm still stuck so much) as I'm sure once we start treatment again I'm going to need all the support I can get without putting everything onto hubby.  It wasn't a busy night (they knew not many would be along beforehand) but it was so nice to meet people who were so open and honest about treatment and how they were feeling.  I didn't really talk much other than telling them where we were at just now, but next month I'll have more to talk about (and I'm sure many more questions) as we'll have had our first appointment by then.

Although this appointment is really just for bloods to be done, it's still a major step on the road as it's our first "official" IVF appointment.  Next months appointment will be a lot more of a big deal as it'll be when we find out what protocol we'll be on and when we'll actually be starting!!!

S x

The letter finally arrived!!!

After 12 and a half months on the waiting list, the letter finally arrived to tell us that we're at the top of the list to start treatment!!!

Our first appointment is on 26th May for blood tests/swabs, then we go back on 25th June to have the results, do consents and get our treatment dates.  All being well we should be starting our first IVF(ICSI) cycle in July, which is a bit longer than we were expecting to wait but given my recent surgery it's not a bad thing to give me time to be back on my feet 100%.

So, now I have a date to work toward to get myself fit again and be ready to give our first go our best shot.

S x

P.S. We also found out on the letter that we actually get three cycles on the NHS rather than the two we thought we'd get - another yey!!!!

Leg Surgery now done.....

.... and I'm in agony!!

I was admitted last Tuesday, and then spent the whole day waiting until I was finally taken down to surgery at 3pm.  Seems that the ortho team like to have their patients scared whitless before they operate though, as I spent another hour and a half sitting in the waiting bit of theatre before I was finally taken through to the theatre for my op to start.

I didn't find out until the next day what had happened (it was exploratory surgery) but the surgeon came to see me and told me that they'd reattached and lengthened the tendon, reattached the muscle in my thigh to the bone (apparently the surgeon could fit his hand between the muscle and the bone) and removed the bursa as it was inflamed.  I was a bit shocked I have to say, as I'd started to think the pain was all in my mind as after 15 months of tests nothing had shown up.

I'm now almost two weeks post surgery, and the wound is healing well (aside from the bad infection I managed to have two days after getting home from hospital that is)  The pain is starting to get a lot more manageable too, which is great, and I just hope it's almost the end of a very painful few months for me now it's all sorted.  I still have another 4 weeks of not being allowed to walk on my leg, then it's back to the surgeon to see how it's healing and to find out if I can start walking on it again or not.  I plan on working really hard at getting back to 100%, so hopefully in a couple of months I'll be back to (better than) normal and can start getting on with my life again and looking forward (?) to starting IVF.

S x

A milestone and some other updates

Well, as of 7th March we're officially top of the IVF(ICSI) waiting list - woo hoo!!!!  To be honest the actual date doesn't mean much as although that's the date you go on the list from nothing happens then.

After some prompting from my friend Lynn, I caved and called up the clinic (just to check you understand, nothing to do with me being impatient or paranoid that they'd forget me!) and they confirmed that we are top of the list and will be taken off the list at the end of the month when they do the waiting list.  The nurse said we will receive our pack mid-April with an initial appointment for more tests (which is always a Saturday apparently for some reason) and another appointment roughly 3 weeks after that for results, consents to be signed and to get a date to start treatment.  Fingers crossed it's a bit earlier than July though, goodness knows how I'll manage to wait another 3 months if I have to!!

The other thing going on just now isn't TTC related, although I did think it might impact on the start of our IVF but thankfully looks like it won't.  I went for my pre-op for the surgery I've been waiting for on my leg, and was really surprised when they said I was being admitted on Tuesday for it!!!  I'm pleased because I've done nothing but worry about it since then, and if it'd been a few weeks off I think I'd have made myself ill waiting.  So, I'm being admitted to the hospital I work in tomorrow at 7.30am but hoping that I won't have to stay overnight and will manage to get home again the same day.  The surgeon still hasn't fully decided what's actually causing the pain, so a lot depends on what he does and how much pain I'm in.  All I do know is that I'll be back on crutches again for at least 6 weeks, but other than that it's just a wait and see thing really.  After 15 months of being in pain I'm just glad something is happening and fingers crossed it'll stop after this.

So, a lot going on in the next few weeks to keep me busy and while away some more time waiting for fertility treatment - it's amazing how good you get at that!! lol

S x

An update (it's been a while)

I've been meaning to update for a while, but to be honest I've not really known how I've been feeling to know what to write.

We'd already decided after the abandoned cycle in January that the next cycle would be our last before we move onto IVF as we felt it hadn't really gone well for us anyway and a break would do us good.  So, AF showed up two days after my 30th birthday (I was at least thankful she held off a couple of days), so off we trotted to the fertility clinic again on 31st January. I felt the same as I have done after every other cycle, but for some reason this time I just knew that this cycle was over before it had even started.

I had the usual scan, and there were three follicles on one ovary and two on the other one, so that was a clear cut no to starting the next cycle.  I spoke to the nurse and told her that we wouldn't be coming back as we felt that both us and my body needed a break from treatment before we start IVF, as we know that's going to be even tougher than IUI.  She said that she didn't blame us and could totally understand why we decided that.  She said that she was sorry they hadn't been able to help us, but hopefully IVF was what we needed and let them know how we get on with it.  I managed to hold it together until I went to say goodbye to the receptionist (she's been lovely and I didn't want to go without saying goodbye), and when I said we wouldn't be back a big smile lit up her face - until she saw my eyes fill up then realised that it wasn't because we were pregnant but because it hadn't worked for us.

I had a few tears when we got home because even although we knew that was the next step and it was ultimately my decision as hubby was happy to go with what I wanted, it still felt like giving up.  I had to go back to work after the appointment though, so as usual it was time to give myself a shake and move on because what else can I do?

So now we're just waiting until we're ready to start IVF, and it's a scary thought that we get to the top of the list IN TWO WEEKS!!!!  Ok, so we won't actually start treatment then, but here's an outline of what happens as far as I know;

1) The waiting list is updated at the end of each month so we will receive a letter at the beginning of April.
2) That letter will be to go for further tests - HIV, etc and possibly another SA
3) Four weeks after that (all being well) we'll go and sign our consents and then start treatment!!!

It feels like it's been such a long time coming that it's slightly scary that we're almost ready to start on our last chance to have a baby, but it's also exciting as it's the treatment that will give us the best chance of getting pregnant.  I was told by two different fortune tellers that I would have a baby boy when I was 30 years old (ok, one of them told me it would be twins!!) so fingers crossed they were right and by the summer we're finally pregnant with our much longed for baby.

S x

P.S  Oh, and I forgot to say that my wonderful husband got me the best pressie for my birthday - two weeks in Mexico in September!!  Something wonderful and relaxing to look forward to while we're going through the grueling process of IVF.

Another bump in the road - and not the good kind of bump either!

Well, another abandoned cycle due to over responding to the drugs,  Can't say I was totally surprised as it seems to be becoming a bit of a habit with us, but it still didn't stop me being upset about it (was horrified when I burst into tears while I was still in with the nurse)  This time I had nine follicles ranging from 11mm-15mm, and the nurse expected at least 5 of them to mature and OV, and as we can only proceed with a max of 3 follicles it means another waste of time.

The worst bit was that after the daily injections my tummy had become a bit of a mess and was pretty sore (so much so that the last injection was agony which has never happened before) which made it so much worse when it was all for nothing.  Not a lot I can do about it though, although I would have thought that after 1 complete cycle and three abandoned ones they'd have a better idea of what the hell they were doing with the drugs.

Hubby hates that it upsets me so much each time it goes wrong, so he suggested giving up with the IUI now and just holding out for IVF in a few months.  I can see where he's coming from, and in a way I'd love to stop now and have a break for a few months, however ask anyone who has been a LTTTCer and they'll tell you that all the upset and disappointment is better than sitting back and doing nothing.  After speaking to some other long termers and asking their opinion, speaking to hubby and doing a lot of thinking, I think we've agreed we'll give it one more go then that's the end of our IUI attempts.  It'll mean a couple of months off from treatment, which I'm sure I'll find hard, but at least it'll give my body a break from all the drugs for a bit before it's over loaded when we start IVF.

In a way it's probably a good thing it was cancelled this time as it would have meant AF being due on my birthday, whereas OVing on my own means AF should be due the day after instead which I'm happier with (notice that I don't even give consideration that we could have done it on our own - oh to be back to being nieve and thinking you got pregnant just by having sex once!!lol)

So, a couple of weeks of trying to relax and wishing all the follicles away before going back for another scan and hopefully starting the next and last cycle of IUI.

S x

IUI attempt ........ who knows!!!!

It was a pretty quiet Christmas and New Year for us, which was fine by me to be honest.  Hubby and I had his parents on Christmas Day for dinner, then the younger of my boys and I went to my parents on Boxing Day (hubby was ill in bed and the older boy was at his girlfriends)  A huge row aside on Christmas night and it was a pretty nice time.

I went to see the surgeon about my leg on the 4th, which sadly didn't go as well as I'd hoped.  He's decided that it's not going to get better since the steroid injection didn't work, so he wants to operate.  It won't be until around Easter time, so now I'm worrying that it'll clash with our IVF and that's not something I want to have to deal with because how do I decide which one to put off?!?!?  Anyway, I'll cross that bridge if/when I get to it rather than worrying about it just now.

I also went to the FC for a baseline scan on the same day, and thankfully that went better.  There were some small follicles left on each ovary but the nurse said that was ok and we were good to go on our next attempt.  I'm onto daily injections this time to try and control my OV a bit more, so although I like doing them because I feel like I'm doing something I'm not looking forward to doing it every single day.  This month I have two injections at 150iu and three at 75iu - hormonal anyone?!?!?!?!!?  I've already warned the girl I work with so she's well prepared!! lol

I had some amazing news from an on-line friend today.  She had IVF a few weeks ago for the second time after she had a MC following her first successful IVF, and today was her 7 week scan.  She just posted about it - and they're having TWINS!!!!  They had two embies put back, and both have implanted.  As you can imagine she's over the moon, and for the first time in a long time I can say I'm truly delighted to say that about someone else's pregnancy!!!

Who knows, maybe one day soon it'll be our turn to share such amazing news with everyone?!??!?!

S x