It's Official

We are now officially on the IVF(ICSI) waiting list!!!  The letter arrived this morning to say that we are on the list from 8th March 2011 and the clinic will get in touch with us when our name reaches the top of the list.  I know we knew we were going onto the list, but somehow having it in writing to confirm it makes it a bit more real - and scary!!

I was watching a programme on TV a couple of nights ago ("Google Baby") and among other things the programme dealt with was a woman who was donating her eggs.  She wasn't having the whole IVF process herself, but she still went through the same initial steps - scans, drugs, EC - and it was interesting to watch someone actually doing it.  It did freak me out a bit though when she was injecting herself in the tummy.
I'm not bothered by needles, and having blood taken or having an injection doesn't bother me in the slightest.  BUT, seeing her do it made me think about the fact that I'm going to have to do that to myself for X number of days when we start treatment - and now I'm worried!!!

We want a baby so badly that I am quite prepared to do anything to get there.  I've known for a long time what the whole IVF process involves (and even have a few on-line friends who have had it and told me about it in detail) but for some reason that one programme and seeing that woman inject herself (she actually let her little girl do it for her some times too) made me wonder how I'm going to cope with it all.  I've gotten over the whole internal scan/examination thing (I was drugged and raped 6 years ago and for a long time couldn't even cope with going for a smear test. Fertility treatment, however, soon cures you of that!)  Hubby and I both understand the reaction the drugs could cause - in fact hubby has already decided that he'll be going away for at least a week while I'm drugged up!! lol  One thing I didn't count on at all is that maybe I won't be able to actually inject the drugs myself, and I know hubby won't do it because he hates things like that.

It's started me thinking about "what if...."  What if I can't inject myself?  What if I go back to being scared of the examinations that have to be done?  What if I have a bad reaction to the conscious sedation when/if we go for egg collection? 

And the biggest "what if...." of all - what if it doesn't work?

S x