I've been meaning to update for a while, but to be honest I've not really known how I've been feeling to know what to write.
We'd already decided after the abandoned cycle in January that the next cycle would be our last before we move onto IVF as we felt it hadn't really gone well for us anyway and a break would do us good. So, AF showed up two days after my 30th birthday (I was at least thankful she held off a couple of days), so off we trotted to the fertility clinic again on 31st January. I felt the same as I have done after every other cycle, but for some reason this time I just knew that this cycle was over before it had even started.
I had the usual scan, and there were three follicles on one ovary and two on the other one, so that was a clear cut no to starting the next cycle. I spoke to the nurse and told her that we wouldn't be coming back as we felt that both us and my body needed a break from treatment before we start IVF, as we know that's going to be even tougher than IUI. She said that she didn't blame us and could totally understand why we decided that. She said that she was sorry they hadn't been able to help us, but hopefully IVF was what we needed and let them know how we get on with it. I managed to hold it together until I went to say goodbye to the receptionist (she's been lovely and I didn't want to go without saying goodbye), and when I said we wouldn't be back a big smile lit up her face - until she saw my eyes fill up then realised that it wasn't because we were pregnant but because it hadn't worked for us.
I had a few tears when we got home because even although we knew that was the next step and it was ultimately my decision as hubby was happy to go with what I wanted, it still felt like giving up. I had to go back to work after the appointment though, so as usual it was time to give myself a shake and move on because what else can I do?
So now we're just waiting until we're ready to start IVF, and it's a scary thought that we get to the top of the list IN TWO WEEKS!!!! Ok, so we won't actually start treatment then, but here's an outline of what happens as far as I know;
1) The waiting list is updated at the end of each month so we will receive a letter at the beginning of April.
2) That letter will be to go for further tests - HIV, etc and possibly another SA
3) Four weeks after that (all being well) we'll go and sign our consents and then start treatment!!!
It feels like it's been such a long time coming that it's slightly scary that we're almost ready to start on our last chance to have a baby, but it's also exciting as it's the treatment that will give us the best chance of getting pregnant. I was told by two different fortune tellers that I would have a baby boy when I was 30 years old (ok, one of them told me it would be twins!!) so fingers crossed they were right and by the summer we're finally pregnant with our much longed for baby.
S x
P.S Oh, and I forgot to say that my wonderful husband got me the best pressie for my birthday - two weeks in Mexico in September!! Something wonderful and relaxing to look forward to while we're going through the grueling process of IVF.
