Our Month Off

Just realised it's been almost four weeks since I updated on here - how on earth did that happen!!!  So, we had an enforced month off treatment because we were going to be in Italy in the middle of the next cycle.  I was a bit upset about it, but to be honest it's been nice having a break from drugs and appointments for a few weeks.

Our week in Bologna was amazing - I'm not a city person at all but I could live there no problem.  We spent the week visiting all the beautiful buildings in the city and just soaking up the whole atmosphere of the place.  It's not touristy at all,so it feels very authentically Italian as apposed to the way it goes when places become tourist hot spots.  The one place that stood out to me over everywhere else was a chapel called San Pietro.  It didn't look anything from the outside, and we actually wandered into it because we saw someone coming out and wondered what it was.  I'm not a religious person in the slightest, but for some reason that place seemed to pull me in and I wanted to go back to it over and over again.  I just wanted to sit at the back and think, and it seemed to be so easy to do that there.

Being away gave us a chance to talk about things without the pressure of appointments and without me being totally irrational because of the drugs.  DH admitted that he feels it's all his fault that we can't get pregnant and that if the treatment doesn't work he think's we'll split up within a year.  I told him that I felt as though he wasn't interested in the treatment and hadn't asked how I was feeling through the whole TWW, and that he didn't even know when the OTD was.  He said he did know when the OTD was, but he didn't want to talk about it all the time because he knew it would upset me.  I think we both realised that we keep things to ourselves a lot because we're scared of hurting the other one, but that it actually hurts us both more when we don't talk about things.  After that things were fine (well, apart from me losing my purse with half of our spending money and credit card in it!!  Wasn't found but mum sent money to us through Western Union so we were ok)

Strangely though, I didn't OV when we were away (still haven't and since I'm on CD21 or 23 (not sure which day to take as CD1 this month) I've no idea what's going on)  AF is next due on 3rd December, so unless she arrives then I've no idea what's going to happen with our next cycle as we may not be able to fit a cycle in before Christmas.

I think the break away did do us the world of good and made us feel more like just being "us" again.  DH did surprise me at the airport on the way home by going into the Ducati shop and buying these for us to keep, and hopefully we'll need them at some point.

S x

Taking a Break

Today was official test date (OTD) and because of that I had to call the fertility clinic today.

Having spoken to my friend L (who is at the same clinic as us having IUI) about the FC not accepting my AF as a proper AF - something they told me on Monday when I called to ask - we decided that I'd be better to test this morning before I called them.  L was actually a star and we met last night because she had some HPT's that she wanted me to have to use today.

So this morning, not holding out much hope I POAS as ordered and wasn't the slightest bit surprised that it was a BFN.  Thankfully when I called the clinic today the nurse I spoke to was happy with that and said that I know my body better than anyone and if I'm happy what I had was an AF then that was good enough for her, so that cycle has officially been written off as a failure.

Next Monday we're off on a wee holiday - and I can't wait.  We're going to Bologna - home of Ducati - for five days and of course while we're there we will be visiting the Ducati museum and factory.  To be honest I think we badly need some time away together to try and forget about all the stress of fertility treatment.  The last few months have been really difficult, and have put a huge strain on our marriage, so hopefully some time away just relaxing will help us sort ourselves out and hopefully take some of the strain off.

Sadly though, it does mean we'll have to miss a month of treatment as we would have been due to have the actual IUI done at the end of next week when we won't be here.  In a way I'm kind of glad to have a break from all the injections and scans, but it's going to be a hard month knowing that we're back to doing nothing again.  I do OV while we're away though, so I'm sure we'll take advantage of being in a romantic country and I guess you just never know (well actually I do know, but I can live in hope!!)

S x

Over and Out

Well, surprise surprise - AF arrived today so our IUI didn't work :-(

I didn't post during the TWW, as to be honest there wasn't really anything to say.  I had my normal post OV symptoms, but that was it really.  I was naughty and tested early on Thursday, and I wasn't the least bit shocked to see a BFN as I just knew this time hadn't worked.  Friday I started spotting very pale pink, then nothing for the rest of the day until Friday evening when I had a tiny amount of brown spotting.  Yesterday there was yet more spotting, only for AF to arrive proper today.

On Friday I thought it was all over anyway, but when the spotting stopped I'll admit I did get my hopes up ever so slightly that maybe it was an implantation bleed.  Yesterday though I had a word with myself because I knew I was only setting myself up for a fall thinking that way, and lo and behold wasn't I just proved right!!!

So, I'll allow myself a day or two (at most) of being upset then yet again it's time to dust myself off and get on with it again.  Sadly this month will be an enforced month off, as we decided we need some time away and we're heading to Bologna (Italy) on Monday next week for five days.  I am frustrated that we'll have to miss this month and let another chance of a BFP pass us by, but there isn't anything I can do about so we'll just have to have some "au natural" trying while we're on holiday ;-)

S x